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When President Hinckley announced The Family: A Proclamation to the World in 1995, I didn’t think much about it. I was in the early stages of raising a young family, and much of the Proclamation felt straightforward. The prophetic warnings didn’t seem to apply to the world as I knew it then. I didn’t see it for the safety and clarity it would provide.

Things have changed. The basic values expressed in the Family Proclamation are not only widely ignored, but they are actively criticized. I have had loved ones leave The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because (in their view) the Church was insufficiently loving or Christian in its teachings about marriage, family, sexuality, and gender. 

Several years ago, I desired to better understand how the doctrine and principles of the Family Proclamation fit in with the broader gospel of Jesus Christ.  Beginning in 2020, I made a quiet commitment to study family doctrine through the scriptures. What began as a simple desire for clarity became a four-year journey through all four standard works.

What I confirmed is that despite the many cultural, societal, and structural shifts of our time, the doctrine of the family remains constant, woven throughout every generation. It stands at the center of God’s eternal plan: for me, for my family, for all of His children.

What the Research Shows

That personal journey became a project called Finding the Family in Come, Follow Me. Each week, I (and sometimes a friend or family member) studied a section of scripture following the study schedule in Come, Follow Me. That section of scripture was searched for mentions of doctrines or principles also taught in The Family Proclamation. After study, a brief analysis of approximately 400-450 words was written of the correlating doctrines between that week’s study of scripture and The Family Proclamation.

After completing a four-year cycle through the four standard works, I undertook a longitudinal content analysis to identify themes or patterns. By analyzing what was written, additional insights relating doctrines in the Family Proclamation to the rest of the gospel could be found. Critics might claim the results were “gamed” by including certain words or topics in each week’s analysis. However, the project was conducted without any agenda beyond trying to understand how the Family Proclamation and the scriptures relate to one another. At its core, the guiding question was simple: if family is central to God’s plan, shouldn’t its doctrines be found every week, in every set of scripture? The results shared here are drawn solely from the Finding the Family in Come, Follow Me project, but the patterns and themes found may be useful to others seeking to better understand the family within the gospel.

What follows is a summary of the patterns discovered: evidence of a living doctrine of the family.

Jesus Christ at the Center 

It would be best to start with Jesus. How frequently was Jesus Christ mentioned in Finding the Family in Come, Follow Me? Mentions of Jesus Christ include references such as God, Lord, Jesus, Christ, or Savior—across all weekly reflections. The resulting percentage indicates the frequency with which He was named.

In over half, and in some cases nearly all, of the scriptural connections drawn between the reflections and The Family: A Proclamation to the World, Jesus Christ appears. One reflection, for example, drew on His tender imagery: “as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings”— pointing out that Christ’s desire is not to leave anyone behind, but to gather all who will come to Him under His protection. In the family, God has given His children a similar pattern for nurturing, protection, and safety.  

The doctrine of the family is centered in Christ. The Living Christ, issued five years after The Family: A Proclamation to the World, declares that “He taught the truths of eternity, the reality of our premortal existence, the purpose of our life on earth, and the potential for the sons and daughters of God in the life to come.” His Resurrection and promised eternal life are not only central to His mission, but they are central to the family. Families don’t work without Him. As one reflection on Moroni’s final invitation expressed, “Not because families are perfect; it’s because families are worth it.” Families are worth it because they are eternal; they are the structure God designed for His children to grow, learn, and prepare for this life and what lies beyond.

Paragraphs That Stood Out Most

Which paragraphs and phrases from The Family: A Proclamation to the World were mentioned most often in Finding the Family in Come, Follow Me? This question guided the next stage of analysis. When reviewing the data began, it was expected that the most frequently cited parts of The Proclamation would be the same paragraphs that draw the most debate in the world today: those dealing with procreation, sexual intimacy, and the sanctity of life. Yet in a world so fixated on precisely these issues, they were not most commonly cited. Why?

This raised the question: which paragraphs were most often mentioned? The findings are presented here in ranked order, with ties indicated.

Several reflections illustrate this point. One drew on the imagery of the armor of God, noting that protection does not come from a single piece of armor but from the strength of the whole. A family is designed as that natural “whole.” There are principles that help the family and its members to act as such. Paragraph 7 of the proclamation lists principles that safeguard families—faith, service, health, reverence, and wise use of time. Woven together, these elements fortify our homes just as spiritual armor fortifies the soul.

A third reflection compared the proclamation to Noah’s ark, given before the storm but containing within it the means of safety. Paragraph by paragraph, it outlines principles—marriage, gender, chastity, children, duty, advocacy—that parallel today’s most pressing issues. God invited Noah and his household into the ark and shut them in for safety. In the same way, Latter-day Saints are invited to live within the principles of The Proclamation, finding protection in Christ when the storms of culture rage.

Other reflections focused on the role of prophets as special witnesses. In 1995, fifteen apostles and prophets signed their names to this united declaration. In a day when many marvel at shifting cultural standards, their testimony anchors us to Christ’s doctrine of eternal families. As the Lord Himself declared, “whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same” (D&C 1:38).

Taken together, these reflections show why the most frequently cited paragraphs were not the ones the world debates most. The Spirit directs us away from distraction and back to what matters most: God as the author, the family as eternal, prophets as His witnesses, and the structure and duty found within the family.

There is something deeply moving about seeing a long-held testimony of these truths confirmed in the patterns and evidence. The doctrine is clear. The relationships are real. All mankind is family. There are no misfits. And though unanswered questions linger, the doctrine of belonging is just as true, fitting beautifully alongside the doctrine of the family.

Themes Across the Scriptures

Which themes and paragraphs from The Family: A Proclamation to the World stood out most in the different standard works? Each book of scripture brought its own emphasis, lifting a particular theme into focus. The graphic below shows which paragraphs and themes stood out in each case, setting the stage for a single striking point of unity.

Old Testament – Paragraph 8: “Warning & Judgment”

The most frequently cited paragraph in the Old Testament analysis was paragraph 8 of the Proclamation, which issued a warning of divine accountability for those who violate covenants, abuse family members, or neglect family responsibilities. This theme of “Warning & Judgment” aligns closely with the Old Testament’s prophetic voice, which often calls individuals and nations to repentance and outlines the consequences of disobedience. The Old Testament’s voice of warning aligns closely with The Proclamation’s call to moral accountability.

New Testament – Paragraph 1: “Prophetic Witness”

For the New Testament, the most frequently cited portion of The Proclamation was its opening declaration: “We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles …” This phrase serves as a Prophetic Witness—a formal, unified testimony from living apostles. The connection to the New Testament is particularly fitting, as that volume of scripture is centered on the authority, testimony, and teachings of Christ’s mission and His original apostles. Its frequent use in the New Testament analysis underscores that Christ’s authority continues through His latter-day prophets and apostles today.

Book of Mormon – Paragraph 9: “Promote the Family”

The Book of Mormon most frequently relates to paragraph 9, which calls upon citizens and government leaders to uphold and promote the family as the foundational unit of society. The theme “Promote the Family” reflects the Book of Mormon’s strong emphasis on agency, righteous leadership, and covenant community. Just as prophets like King Benjamin and Alma called upon their people to build a society grounded in gospel principles, this paragraph echoes that call to action in a modern civic context. Its prominence emphasizes the covenantal foundation upon which righteous societies and lasting happiness are built.

Doctrine and Covenants – Paragraph 6: “Family Accountability”

The Doctrine and Covenants (D&C) provides a distinctly restored lens. The sacred duty of parents and the promise of eternal family relationships are woven through the Restoration’s most defining revelations. 

In the Doctrine and Covenants, the most frequently related paragraph was paragraph 6, which outlines the solemn responsibility of husbands and wives to love and care for one another and their children. The theme “Family Accountability” reflects the Restoration’s unique focus on priesthood stewardship, eternal covenants, and divine order regarding the doctrine of the family. The prominence of this paragraph highlights the D&C’s emphasis on spiritual and practical duties that govern the sacred relationships within family life. Accountability before God begins at home.

The most frequently related phrases from The Family: A Proclamation to the World, as they appear in the analyses across the four standard works, reveal a clear and complementary harmony in the way family doctrine is reinforced throughout scripture. Taken together, the top ten references show consistent alignment with the core teachings of The Proclamation. However, when examined individually, each book of scripture’s analysis tends to emphasize different paragraphs. In fact, some books’ analyses do not reference certain paragraphs at all, while in every case, one paragraph stood out as the most emphasized within that particular volume. This variation suggests that while the doctrine of the family is unified across dispensations, each scriptural book offers a distinct lens highlighting specific aspects of The Proclamation’s message.

Notably, only one striking point of unity comes into focus across the analyses from all four volumes of scripture: the opening line of paragraph one,

“We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.” 

This could be procedural, even institutional, at first glance, but its widespread presence suggests an alternative conclusion. Of 32 phrases, the prominence of this one as the singular phrase across every scriptural volume is striking. It is not a doctrinal statement per se, but a declaration of prophetic authorship and unified apostolic voice. Across ancient and modern texts, the voice of prophetic authority carries weight. The phrase repetition suggests that Come, Follow Me curriculum authors likely recognize the Proclamation’s authority as foundational to the teachings that follow. Prophets define, defend, and declare family doctrine throughout time. Their witness is not confined to one generation or volume of scripture; it is echoed and sustained in every dispensation.

Family Doctrine: Then and Now

This research project coincides with the 30th anniversary of The Family: A Proclamation to the World—a milestone that was unplanned for, but has come to be appreciated. The timing caused reflection on the generations surrounding the publication of The Family Proclamation. What follows is an examination of compelling aspects of family life, then and now: 30 years before and 30 years since The Proclamation was published.

Research shows that the traditional structure of the family has experienced significant strain in recent decades. Marriage rates have declined sharply, with the steepest drop between 1995 and 2025. Divorce more than doubled from 1965 to 1995 before stabilizing. Fertility has fallen steadily, now below the replacement level. Dual-income households more than doubled between 1965 and 1995 and have remained high since, reflecting both economic necessity and shifting gender norms. Two-parent households declined overall, with a small increase between 1995 and 2025. Yet fewer children now live with both biological parents, as stepfamilies and single-parent homes have become more common.

The most dramatic shift has been in religious affiliation. Christianity declined from 94 percent to 63 percent of the population, a major generational change. Although faith and family are often studied separately, the two are closely connected. Declining religious identity is correlated with rising rates of crime, depression, homelessness, loneliness, and addiction. These are not just statistics but lived realities with far-reaching consequences. They are the very calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

The Family: Then, Now, and Always

Thirty years ago, The Family: A Proclamation to the World entered our collective conversation. Today, its voice feels louder and more urgent. The words have not changed, but the world around them has. What once felt like simple guidance now reads as prophetic vision: it is neither ancillary nor outdated.

If the family is this central to God’s plan across all scripture, then it deserves to be this central in our lives. However, in a time when family structures are strained and societal norms shift quickly, few would likely consider their family situation ideal. Because no one individual is perfect, no family can be. But striving for the ideal fixes our desires on eternal hope.

The invitation might layer immediate pressure to fix everything at once, but if we begin with desire and let the doctrine of the family settle more deeply into our hearts and habits, the opportunity is to keep learning, to keep returning to scripture, and to trust that God will guide us as we seek to live in harmony with His plan. We can reflect on this deeply personal question:

What one step can I take to better honor and nurture the divine design of family in my own life?

What the Proclamation declared in 1995 remains true today. The family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children. That was true then. It is true now. And it always will be.

The post The Family in Scripture: A Four-Year Study, One Central Truth appeared first on Public Square Magazine.

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Most members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints know that President Hinckley first announced and read “The Family, A Proclamation to the World” at the September 1995 General Relief Society meeting. Few, however, are aware that President Gordon B. Hinckley read the Proclamation in the Oval Office to then-President Bill Clinton only one month later. In Presidents and Prophets, Michael Winder records that Clinton had heard about the landmark document and invited President Hinckley to discuss it at the White House on November 13, 1995. Accompanied by Elder Neal A. Maxwell, President Hinckley discussed the Proclamation with President Clinton, and according to President Hinckley,  “We had a very delightful visit.” Before leaving, President Hinckley was invited by a White House aide to offer a prayer, as was customary. President Clinton agreed, and the men stood in a circle. President Hinckley later recorded, “I thought it was a rather wonderful thing, to pray for the President of the United States in his office.” But what makes this visit so remarkable is that earlier on the same day, Monica Lewinsky started her job as a paid intern in the White House, and only two days later, President Clinton began his controversial relationship with her. The timing is uncanny. The adulterous relationship that led to the first impeachment of a president of the United States in over 100 years and stained Clinton’s political career forever afterward could have been avoided had he heeded the warning contained in the Proclamation and read to him personally by a prophet of God. 

Although often difficult, it is a prophet’s duty to warn. Elder M. Russell Ballard has said, “Through the centuries, prophets have fulfilled their duty when they have warned people of the dangers before them. The Lord’s Apostles are duty-bound to watch, (and) warn …” President Russell M. Nelson said on another occasion, “Sometimes we as leaders of the Church are criticized for holding firm to the laws of God, defending the Savior’s doctrine, and resisting the social pressures of our day…. In doing so, sometimes we are accused of being uncaring … But wouldn’t it be far more uncaring for us not to tell the truth? … Prophets are rarely popular. But we will always teach the truth!”

The Proclamation states, “We warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.” Elder Ballard said the Proclamation is “a stern warning in a world where declining values and misplaced priorities threaten to destroy society by undermining its basic unit.” It has been thirty years since this “clarion call” was given, and the devastating effects of family disintegration on both a micro and macro scale are undeniable. 

When people hear the word “calamities,” they often think of large-scale natural disasters, such as earthquakes, famines, or floods. But overwhelming social data is revealing the startling truth that it is easier to rebuild physical homes than a family devastated by divorce, abuse, infidelity, or childlessness.

If we look just at divorce, one of the most common “calamities” affecting families, the justification for the strong prophetic warning is clear. Social science research consistently reveals that divorce has significant and complex effects on families, particularly on children, impacting their emotional, social, and academic well-being, as well as their future relationships. These impacts are measurable for generations. Following decades of data, the National Institute of Health concluded that “divorce has been shown to diminish a child’s future competence in all areas of life, including family relationships, education, emotional well-being, and future earning power.”

The American College of Pediatrics similarly concluded: “There are clearly negative long-term consequences of divorce—children, parents, and society all suffer. … [And] … long-term studies show that many children never have full ‘recovery.’” Another study even advocated for governments to “create a public health campaign to inform Americans of the health and other risks associated with divorce,” warning that “If nothing is done, America will continue the downward spiral into social decay.” This same study advocated prohibiting “no-fault divorce” for couples with children under the age of 18 living in the home. Except for cases of physical or sexual abuse, more and more data suggest that divorce does more harm than good, especially for children. As evidenced in the summary of the study: 

American society may have erased the stigma that once accompanied divorce, but it can no longer ignore its massive effects. As social scientists track successive generations of American children whose parents have ended their marriages, the data are leading even some of the once-staunchest supporters of divorce to conclude that divorce is hurting American society and devastating the lives of children. Its effects are obvious in family life, educational attainment, job stability, income potential, physical and emotional health, drug use, and crime.”

Social science and religious leaders have dovetailed on this issue. Strong, lasting marriages are more crucial to society than ever before. Pope Francis powerfully stated: Every threat to the family is a threat to society itself. The future of humanity … passes through the family. So protect your families!”

A 2024 comprehensive study published in the Lancet, one of the world’s leading medical journals, reported: “By 2100, more than 97% of countries and territories will have fertility rates below what is necessary to sustain population size.” The authors went on to “warn that national governments must plan for emerging threats to economies, food security, health, the environment, and geopolitical security brought on by these demographic changes that are set to transform the way we live.”

Surprisingly, most are unaware of the dramatic decline in global fertility rates. Documentaries like Birthgap: Childless World (2022) and Demographic Winter: The Decline of the Human Family (2008) have sought to draw attention to the crisis, but these documentaries and their authors have been largely dismissed by many as fear-mongering or conservative ideological propaganda. However, many countries can no longer ignore the threat, and their leaders are beginning to speak up and take action. 

In her 2019 New Year’s broadcast, Norway’s Prime Minister Erna Solberg was the first world leader to publicly encourage her citizens to “have more children.” Countries like Denmark are employing new “sexy” media campaigns, such as “Do it for Denmark” and “Do it for Mom,” to incentivize and persuade their citizens to have children. And Denmark is not alone. Other countries, including Thailand, Russia, China, and Hungary, among others, have all tried various kinds of tactics to incentivize and even bribe people to have more babies. A 2024 Vox article entitled “You Can’t Even Pay People to Have More Kids,” discussed the failure of many of these direct payment incentives. “Russia began offering a one-time sum of about $7,000 to families with more than two kids, while Italy and Greece have experimented with per-child ‘baby bonuses.’ In 2019, Hungary introduced a loan of around $30,000 to newlyweds. If they have three children, the loan is forgiven.” These and other countries have also tried implementing more pro-family policies, including increased tax benefits, free childcare and education, and extended maternity leave (up to 2.5 years in Australia).

Regardless of the reasons, countries all over the world are dealing with the realities of a shrinking population where the number of deaths outnumbers the number of live births, undoubtedly leading to a smaller workforce, increased tax burden, and societal upheaval. When only 26 countries are still projected to be growing in population in 2100, the once commonly touted threat of “over-population” and the fiercely defended belief that “conceiving and raising children is immoral” seems to have had a dramatic turn on its head. Psalm 7 feels more relevant now than ever: “He made a pit, and digged it, and is fallen into the ditch which he made.”

As Michael Novak has powerfully said, “Throughout history, nations have been able to survive a multiplicity of disasters—invasions, famines, earthquakes, epidemics, depressions—but they have never been able to survive the disintegration of the family.” 

The Family Proclamation is, as Elder M. Russell Ballard said, “a clarion call to protect and strengthen families and a stern warning [to the] world.” Implementing the truths and principles of the Proclamation will be the greatest and most challenging work of a lifetime, but ignoring or violating its teachings will bring “calamities” to the souls of individuals and nations alike. 

The burden of issuing this warning is heavy. President Nelson has said, “Think of this, my dear young brothers and sisters, right now I am preparing for the day when I will be required to give an accounting … ultimately to the Lord—about my stewardship as God’s prophet upon the earth today.” Likewise, the Proclamation warns that each one of us is preparing for the day when we will be required to give an accounting to God about how we fulfilled our family responsibilities. If we have violated God’s laws of chastity, abused spouses or children, or failed in these sacred stewardships, we will also “one day stand accountable before God.”

Prophets warn to persuade people to make good choices. Still, when bad decisions are made, especially within the sacred relationships found in families and between spouses, prophets also declare that hope is found in Jesus Christ. Elder Dale G. Renlund powerfully taught: “Jesus Christ loves to restore what we cannot restore, heal wounds we cannot heal, (and) fix what is irreparably broken.”  This is especially true regarding the family. 

Families are sacred, complicated, and messy. Yet, Christ has proven He is “mighty to save.” He can and will mend broken families, repair any breach, and restore the paths that lead families back to Him. 

The post A Voice of Warning: Prophets and Proclamations appeared first on Public Square Magazine.

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One heartbreaking summary of gender inequality in the world today was offered by Barber B. Conable, former president of the World Bank, who noted that “while women comprise half the [global] population, they perform two-thirds of the world’s work, receive one-tenth of the world’s wages, and own one-hundredth of the world’s property.”(1)  

Such inequality and mistreatment of women must be heartrending to our Heavenly Parents, whose daughters each of the world’s women are.

In this context, the words of the Savior in Doctrine and Covenants 78:6-7 are haunting, “[I]f ye are not equal in earthly things ye cannot be equal in heavenly things. For if you will that I give unto you a place in the celestial world, you must prepare yourselves by doing the things which I have commanded you and required of you.” 

One such command or love-based counsel in our time was offered by 15 united prophets in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, wherein these prophets stated, “In [their] sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners” (para. 7). In the ideal of equal partnership lies a beautiful hope that sharply contrasts with the “savage inequalities” that persist across gender (and racial) lines. What does the Gospel offer us instead?

The Doctrine and Theology of the Family: A Source of Eternal Striving and Hope

The renowned Anglican scholar of Mormonism, Douglas Davies, has observed that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has not only emphasized family but also holds and honors a “veritable theology of family.” The truth of Davies’ statement is seen by turning to the teachings of the current First Presidency:

In the words of President Nelson, “In God’s eternal plan, salvation is an individual matter; exaltation is a family matter.”

Second, as President Dallin H. Oaks said, “Our theology begins with heavenly parents. Our highest aspiration is to be like them.” 

Third, President Henry B. Eyring, while discussing the precise Proclamation phrase “Fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners,” continued on and taught that “men and women cannot be exalted alone.” 

In brief summary, we have three potent, prophetic witnesses that our greatest hope and potential is actualized only when women and men truly unite in Christ.(2) 

For several of our BYU students, a highlight of the semester is a (freely and generously given) guest lecture from Sister Melinda Wheelwright Brown regarding her book-length study entitled Eve and Adam: Discovering the Beautiful Balance. Brown has written,

As Eve and Adam exemplify … working interdependently to lead a family toward exaltation is the purpose of marriage. It was never intended to be a solo effort; it wasn’t done alone in the premortal realm; it isn’t meant to be done alone here on earth (though sometimes, of necessity, it is), and it won’t be done alone in the eternities.(3)

However, this labor of “working interdependently” is far from easy. It tends to be forged under tremendous heat. As the Lord said to Israel through the prophet Isaiah in Isaiah 48:10 (and through Nephi in 1 Nephi 20:10), “Behold, I have refined thee … I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.” Brown similarly observed in Eve and Adam, “The secret of [marital] success seems to lie in the struggle—more precisely, in the way in which we approach and respond to the struggle.”(4)  

Over the past 25 years, the American Families of Faith project has interviewed “exemplary” marriage partners from a variety of races, religions, and regions. One faithfully devoted father named Earl explained, “[In strong marriages], the troubles will help them grow close. We had a few crises [but] we just pulled together, and we got through it, and it drew us closer together as a unit.” 

The insights of Isaiah, Brown’s Eve and Adam, and Earl all seem to relate to the observation of the late psychiatrist Viktor Frankl (1984), who wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning:

If architects want to strengthen a decrepit arch, they increase the load which is laid upon it, for thereby, the parts are joined more firmly together…. What [a person or a marriage] actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal, a freely chosen task (p. 127, emphasis added).

One marital research team has noted that “it might be proposed that one key difference between weak or failed marriages and strong, enduring marriages is that in the latter, the wife and husband  ‘join more firmly together’ when the loads of life come, instead of moving away from one another.”(5)

Latter-day Saint professor Valerie Hudson (Cassler) has observed in connection with equal partnership, the idea of women and men unifying (even “forging”) as follows:

We were meant to win together. As the two halves of humanity forge a truly equal partnership at all levels of society, female contributions will not only be valued equally with men’s but will be honored as the necessary counterpart to men’s thinking without distorting that which is unique to each.(6)

Some Brief Notes on What Equal Partnership Is … and Is Not

Equal partnership can be enacted in a variety of ways. Some find it meaningful to have both partners participate fully in each domain of life (e.g., housework, childcare, and paid employment), and there are associated benefits to this approach.(7) However, this “sameness” approach is not always achievable or preferable. Whether these domains are shared or equally divided, certain underlying principles are important, such as ensuring that each partner has an equal voice and shares power (as opposed to exerting coercive control) in the relationship. Former General Relief Society President Jean B. Bingham warned,

During the time between that marvelous beginning in the Garden of Eden and now, the adversary has been quite successful in his goal to divide men and women in his attempts to conquer our souls. … Satan incites comparison as a tool to create feelings of being superior or inferior, hiding the eternal truth that men’s and women’s innate differences are God-given and equally valued (p. 61).

Continuing, Sister Bingham taught, 

Unity [between women and men] is essential to the divine work we are privileged and called to do, but it doesn’t just happen. It takes effort and time to really counsel together—to listen to one another, understand others’ viewpoints, and share experiences—but the process results in more inspired decisions.

So, competition and devaluing … no. Discussion, dialogue, and mutual empowerment … yes.

As we have observed elsewhere, “[I]nequality in marriage has been defined as one spouse having dominance in decision-making processes or, even further, demonstrating a lack of respect for the other partners’ autonomy or input.”(8) It is important to remember that “When partners engage in power struggles and start trying to win power and control in the relationship, they often are acting from their own insecure views of self and of their partner.”(9) Thus, when we find ourselves falling short and engaging in such power struggles, we can benefit by self-reflecting, taking responsibility for our own insecurities, and remembering to view our spouse as a partner rather than an adversary—someone to have power with rather than power over. (10) With time and trust, such episodes can diminish and open the door for partnered and collaborative work. 

Professor Hudson and former Director of the BYU School of Family Life, Rick Miller, explained that “In an equal partnership, spouses continue to discuss the issue and negotiate until they agree on a decision.”(11) 

Who “Wins” in Equal Partnership?

In exploring the question of who “wins” in equal partnership, the voices of the prophets and the best social science align. This dialogic and respectful approach yields better decisions where every family member wins. First, President Russell M. Nelson taught:

The heavens are just as open to women who are endowed with God’s power flowing from their priesthood covenants as they are to men who bear the priesthood. … I praise that man who deeply respects his wife’s ability to receive revelation and treasures her as an equal partner in their marriage (emphasis in original).

Given the approach of husband and wife “counsel[ing] together in love and righteousness,” the pattern of dialoging together (often at length and over time) and seeking the guidance of the Lord along the way yields far better and more unified decisions. 

Elder L. Whitney Clayton reflected, “I have observed that in wonderful, happy marriages, husbands and wives treat each other as equal partners.” From a social science perspective, we add a harmonizing note. Across the many interviews in the American Families of Faith project, there is an evident equality as one glances at most of the transcripts. These imperfect but exemplary partners take turns responding to questions, and they very rarely interrupt each other. Their responses to questions regarding their strong (on average, 20-year) marriages tend towards equality, without the dominance of either wife or husband. They seem to sing a duet and resist the urge to be “diva soloists.” This grace has benefitted not only their marriages but their children.

As Professors Hudson and Miller (2012) summarize, “Equal partners are generally better parents. Parents with less relationship equality are less likely to work together as a team in parenting their children.”(12) Indeed, “recent social science research findings confirm that better physical and emotional health, better marital relationships, and better parenting and outcomes for children are the fruits of equal partnership in marriage.”(13) (Also see Gibby & Gibby, 2024, for a recent review).(14)

In short, everyone wins when the prophetic, “equal partnership” counsel of the Proclamation is followed. Indeed, President Eyring, like the Proclamation, took the benefits of righteously unified marriage further than the home. Speaking to international leaders in Rome, he taught that “a man and a woman, united in marriage, have a transcendent power to create happiness for themselves, for their family, and for the people around them.”

President Nelson has similarly taught, “Marriage brings greater possibilities for happiness than does any other human relationship.” 

One of the fathers interviewed for the American Families of Faith project shared a note that he had written to his eight children regarding their mother—his devoted partner of more than 40 years. It read, 

What is eternal marriage, after all? I only know that if our marriage cannot exist eternally, I don’t care if I do or not. I can imagine no heaven without it; [and] with it, even Hell would be tolerable. 

We close with an apostolic promise from Elder Ulisses Soares in his address entitled “In Partnership with the Lord,” who said to the women and men of the Church of Jesus Christ:

I testify to you that as we—women and men—work together in a true and equal partnership, we will enjoy the unity taught by the Savior as we fulfill the divine responsibilities in our marriage relationships. I promise you, in the name of Christ, that hearts will be “knit together in unity and in love one towards another,” we will find more joy in our journey to eternal life, and our capacity to serve one another and with one another will multiply significantly.

May we unite with both the Lord and with our covenanted partner and claim these promised blessings.

Three Brief Marital Insights from President Nelson

In a 2006 General Conference address entitled “Nurturing Marriage,” President Russell M. Nelson offered three brief, practical suggestions to wives and husbands. He taught, “My suggestions use three action verbs: to appreciate, to communicate, and to contemplate.

1. To appreciate—to say “I love you” and “thank you.

2. [T]o communicate well with your spouse. Couples need private time to observe, to talk, and really listen to each other. They need to cooperate—helping each other as equal partners.

3. My third suggestion is to contemplate. This word has deep meaning. It comes from Latin roots: con, meaning “with,” and templum, meaning “a space or place to meditate.” It is the root from which the word temple comes. If couples contemplate often—with each other in the temple—sacred covenants will be better remembered and kept.”

References:

(1) Valerie Hudson as cited in Brown, M. W. (2020). Eve and Adam: Discovering the beautiful balance. Deseret Book.  (p. 7).

(2) While the Proclamation clearly emphasizes marriage between a man and a woman, which will be our focus here, we note that many are now in different relationship configurations (e.g., same-sex marriages). Across these different types of relationships, equal partnership is also associated with beneficial outcomes, while inequality can be harmful.

(3) Brown, M. W. (2020). Eve and Adam: Discovering the beautiful balance. Deseret Book. (p. 141). 

(4) Ibid (p. 120).

(5) Marks, L. D., & Dollahite, D. C. (2017). Religion and families. Routledge. (p. 71).

(6) Hudson, V. M ., et al. (2012). Sex and World Peace. Columbia University Press. (p. 200, emphasis added).

(7) Gibby, A. L., & Gibby, J. G. (2024). Equal partnership in marriage. In L. J. Nelson & S. M. Coyne (eds.), Family life: Scholarly insights on sacred truths (pp. 138-157). BYU Studies. (pp. 140-143)

(8)  Gibby & Gibby, 2024. (p. 145).

(9)  Gibby & Gibby, 2024 (p. 146). 

(10) Ibid.

(11) Hudson, V. M., & Miller, R. B. (2012). Equal partnership between men and women in families. In A. J.Hawkins, D. C. Dollahite, & T. W. Draper (Eds.), Successful marriages and family life (pp. pp. 38-48). BYU Studies. (p. 44).

(12)  Hudson & Miller, 2012 (p. 43).

(13)  Hudson & Miller, 2012 (p. 44).

(14)  Gibby, A. L., & Gibby, J. G. (2024). Equal partnership in marriage. In L. J. Nelson & S. M. Coyne (eds.), Family life: Scholarly insights on sacred truths (pp. 138-157). BYU Studies.

The post Equal Partnership: The Celestial Model of Marriage in the Proclamation appeared first on Public Square Magazine.

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Mothers are not as appreciated as they should be. Not yours, not ours. One low point of ingratitude that many readers will recall is the melodic line from Saturday’s Warrior that intones, “Zero population is the answer, my friend.” 

However, we first-world nations are getting a rude wake-up call. A primary and ever-worsening concern in most developed countries is “below-replacement level” population rates low enough to weaken the base of the population pyramid in nations like the United States. Harvard-trained economist Catherine Pakaluk recently summarized in her book-length study Hannah’s Children,

The political and economic consequences of these trends cannot be overstated. Below- replacement fertility in the United States imperils every New Deal-era entitlement program, every state pension program, and the future of economic prosperity as workers become scarce.(1) 

So, given that zero population growth is not the answer but the problem, what is the answer? Pakaluk demonstrates that social policy has little power to push the fertility needle upward and posits that significant commitment to “religion [is] the only effective family policy”(2) that can promote measurable change in some families. Indeed, social science has repeatedly found that religiously involved women are more likely to remain married, to become married mothers, and to have more children.(3) Perhaps we should go back to the beginning—Genesis, to be precise.

At the Beginning: Eve as the Mother of All Living

In connection with God’s command to “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28), President Dallin H. Oaks has taught that Eve’s act was “a glorious necessity to open the doorway toward eternal life” and that we are to “celebrate Eve’s act and honor her wisdom and courage in the great episode called the Fall.”(4)

Former counselor in the General Relief Society Presidency, Sheri Dew, observed, “Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve ‘the mother of all living,’ and they did so before she ever bore a child. … Motherhood is more than bearing children. … It is the essence of who we are as women.”(5) 

Writing about Eve and her decision to partake of the fruit, Professor Valerie Hudson said, “Only a daughter of God could open the door to mortal life for God’s children. … Eve was perhaps the most courageous and wise of all God’s daughters … .”(6) Hudson also posited that as one “who would bear the responsibility of bringing all of the children through the doorway, and risk [her] life in this task, [she] had the right to make that decision.”(7) How grateful we are for our own mothers who made “that decision” in their own time and welcomed us into mortal family life with courage and at a sacrifice beyond price. 

Motherhood is “Too Expensive”: A Cultural View

Motherhood involves significant time, effort, and forgoing of various personal freedoms. It is perhaps the most profound expression of personal sacrifice for another. In a world in which autonomous pleasure-seeking is considered “the good life,” motherhood can appear far too expensive. Given this considerable, perhaps inestimable, expense, many wrestle with the Proclamation’s statement: “Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children” (para. 7).

Feminism in the United States and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have an intriguing history. The roots of the women’s suffrage movement are a rich starting point. Lisa Reeves, currently doing graduate work at Harvard, recently “verified with the church history department that on her death bed Susan B. Anthony took off her ring and instructed for it to be sent to her dear friend, fellow suffragette, and General Relief Society President Emmeline Wells.”(8) It is important to note that significantly preceding the 19th Amendment in 1920, the first four states to grant women the right to vote were Wyoming and Utah (1869-70), then Colorado (1893) and Idaho (1896). Each of these states had relatively heavy Latter-day Saint populations and influence. 

However, as feminism broke into additional “waves” (in the 1960s and 1990s), the distance between first- and second-wave feminism and the Church began to grow over core issues, including motherhood, marriage, and family. 

For many first-wave feminists, the needed push for greater equality between men and women meant that motherhood itself compromised the progress of women. The work of caring for another dependent soul meant that women had to “subordinate their personal objectives” in doing the non-prestigious work of feeding, clothing, and cleaning another dependent life again and again and again. Such work was clearly not a path to power and success. So why should women have to do it?(9) Caregiving labor became identified with women’s oppression. Children came to be viewed as a liability—expensive, inconvenient, and an encroachment on personal fulfillment. In the eyes of some, fairness seemed to demand her liberation from such work and the family responsibilities associated with it.

But rather than challenge the attitudes that had devalued women and call men into greater participation in this most important work of nurturing life, the new woman advocated for by radical feminists ironically looked more like “the old man” they had criticized.(10) By crossing the line into contempt for motherhood, feminist ideas that had intended to elevate women became self-defeating. The “new woman” meant embracing a view of life that rejected the world of the traditionally feminine. Only achievements measured by public recognition, financial remuneration, and prestige (those markers that had defined success in a “man’s world”) had meaning. Caring for the vulnerable, including children, was viewed as a transition of loss for women. 

Certainly, women have benefitted from feminist efforts to secure educational, professional, and political opportunities. But an honest look at the increased feminization of poverty, out-of-wedlock childbearing, and decreased happiness among women also reflects the challenges resulting from dismantling the protections of the institutions of marriage and family that had been identified as women’s “enemy.”(11) 

In the decades since, with a world awash in an epidemic of loneliness and a crisis in meaning, identity, and purpose, we witness why the core relationships of life that we call family are not the enemy, nor is it merely the “backdrop” for the Plan. The family is the Plan—for women as well as men.

Motherhood is So Expensive It Requires Consecration: A Gospel View

Former Relief Society General President Sister Julie B. Beck taught that “without the family, there is no [eternal] plan; there is no reason for mortal life.”(12) In the Proclamation, prophets testify of all three elements Sister Beck outlined: 1. the Family, 2.“the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children,” and 3. the “sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan” (para. 5).  

If life matters, then a mother matters, for without her, there is no life. If eternal life matters, then a mother matters eternally, for without her, there is no eternal life. Giving mortal life, however, is profoundly expensive—so expensive that it is not merely a sacrifice but something more. Elder David A. Bednar affirmed: “The word consecrate means to develop and to ‘dedicate to a sacred purpose.’ …The best application of the principle of consecration that I can think of, being developed and dedicated to a sacred purpose, is motherhood.”(13) 

In Latter-day scripture, the relationship between “light” and “life” is especially close—with Jesus being called “the light and the life of the world; yea, a light that is endless, that can never be darkened” (Mosiah 16:9).(14) It is therefore both fitting and beautiful that “the Spanish phrase for giving birth, dar la luz [means] ‘to give the light’” (Hudson & Miller, 2012, p. 39). This may also add greater insight into the divine calling of a mother when Jesus Himself says, “And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me,” the light of the world (Matthew 18:5). Again, how grateful we are for the mothers who “received” us and gave us light and life.

A Social Science Look: Righteous Mothers Not Only Give Life, They Make It Better

A 1942 First Presidency statement proclaimed, “Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.”(15)  President David O. McKay declared: “Motherhood is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother’s image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child’s mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security, her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world.”(16)

These gifts of a first “sense of security,” first kiss, first touch, and “first assurance that there is love in the world” referenced by President McKay were later packaged into the phrase “maternal sensitivity” by attachment theorist and psychologist Mary Ainsworth. Ainsworth and colleagues found that this essential “maternal sensitivity” and mother-child attachment mattered well beyond infancy.(17) One leading family therapist and researcher summarily emphasized that “The first six years of life are when the template for later life is set down.”(18) Even so, potent influences and connections are also evident during the teenage years:

Studies consistently indicate that adolescents who report telling their mothers where they are going and what they will be doing after school and on weekends also report lower rates of alcohol misuse, drug use, sexual activity, and delinquency. Children’s academic success and healthy behaviors have also been tied to their mothers’ involvement in talking with them, listening to them, and answering their questions.(19)

A recent Wheatley Institute Brief Report(20) further highlights the following four social science findings regarding mothers’ influence not only in childhood but “throughout life”:

1 – “Maternal sensitivity to their infants has been identified as the strongest, most consistent predictor of a child’s cognitive, social, and emotional development” (p. 2).

2 – “Mothers are the foundational influence on children’s emotional capacity, and typically the preferred source of comfort in times of stress” (p. 2).

3 – “[M]others draw on their emotional connections to their children as the source of their authority, using more reasoning and flexibility in carrying out discipline” (p. 3).

4 – “A mother’s early attachment to a child through responsive, consistent bonding has been repeatedly shown to shape personality development, behavior, and social capacity, including the ability to form healthy attachments with others throughout life” (p. 3).  

“Circumstances May Require Individual Adaptation”

With respect to various work arrangements and life challenges that mothers face, former counselor in the General Relief Society Presidency, Sister Cheiko Okazaki, urged and encouraged the “women of the Church to be supportive and sharing, to refrain from judging one another, and to remember that circumstances often constrain choices.”(21)

President M. Russell Ballard similarly emphasized,

Each of you must come to know what the Lord wants for you individually, given the choices before you. Once you know the Lord’s will, you can then move forward in faith to fulfill your individual purpose. One sister may be inspired to continue her education and attend medical school. For another sister, inspiration may lead her to forego a scholarship to a prestigious institution and instead begin a family much earlier than has become common in this generation.

Is it possible for two similarly faithful women to receive such different responses to the same basic questions? Absolutely. What’s right for one woman may not be right for another. That’s why it is so important that we should not question each other’s choices or the inspiration behind them.(22)

Mothers, “This is Your Great Day”

Whatever our context, Sister Marjorie P. Hinckley has reminded mothers to “have joy in your mothering … don’t wish away your days of caring for … children. This is your great day.”(23)  

We conclude this article with the following thoughts of the first author, who is a mother herself:  

Who could measure the privilege of creating within one’s own body the body of another? Where in all the world can there be greater power than this? I recently sat beside a new mother. Her infant, just 6 weeks old, was still struggling to nurse and bottle feed. His utter dependence struck me. He gazed directly into his mother’s face, locking his eyes on hers. In spite of having no real capacities, it was clear that he recognized her. I could see in his eyes that she was his entire world. For a second, his mouth broke into a smile, and I watched her exhaustion give way to radiance. Can we possibly measure what it means to the expansion of our own purpose, meaning and identity, to bring another life into being and to be their entire world? To quite literally enter eternity, becoming part of the past and the future forever? To have the privilege of knowing and witnessing the divinity of another and to make possible their eternal life?  This is what motherhood means. 

References:

(1)  Pakaluk, C. R. (2024). Hannah’s Children. Regnery Gateway. (p. 30).

(2)  Ibid, p. 337

(3) Marks, L. D., Dollahite, D. C., & Freeman, J. J. (2012). Faith and prayer in family life. In A. J. Hawkins, D. C. Dollahite, & T. W. Draper (Eds.), Successful marriages and family life (pp. 185–195). BYU Studies.

(4) Oaks, D. H. (1993, November). The great plan of happiness. Ensign, 32, 72-75. (Quote from p. 73). See also Hawkins, A. J., Spangler, D. L., Hudson, V., Dollahite, D. C., Klein, S. R., Rugh, S. S., Fronk, C. A., Draper, R. D., Sorensen, A. D., Wardle, L. D., & Hill, E. J. (2000). In D. C. Dollahite (ed.), Strengthening our families: An in-depth look at The Proclamation on the Family. Bookcraft.

(5)  Dew, S. L. (2001, November). Are we not all mothers? Ensign, 96-97.

(6) Hudson, V. M., & Miller, R. B. (2012). Equal partnership between men and women in families. In A. J. Hawkins, D. C. Dollahite, & T. W. Draper (Eds.), Successful marriages and family life (pp. 38-48). BYU Studies (p. 39).

(7) Hudson, V. (2010). The Two Trees. Speech delivered at the 12th Annual FairMormon Conference. Salt Lake City, UT; as cited in M. W. Brown (2020), Eve and Adam. Deseret Book, p. 91).

(8)  Personal email communication to the second author, January 19, 2025.

(9) Polatnik, M. R. (1983). Why men don’t rear children: A power analysis. In J. Treblicot (ed.), Mothering: Essays in Feminist Theory. Roman and Allanheld (p. 35).

(10)  Elshtain, J. B. (1982). Feminism, family, and community. Dissent, 29, 442-449.

(11)  Erickson, J. J. (2014). Motherhood: Restoring clarity and vision in a world of confusing messages. In B. L. Top & M. A. Goodman (eds.), By divine design (pp. 161-191). BYU Religious Studies Center/Deseret Book.

(12) Beck, J. B. (2011, March). Teaching the Doctrine of the Family. Ensign. 

(13) Bednar, D. A. (1999). Your Whole Souls as an Offering Unto Him. Ricks College Devotional, January 5, 1999. Retrieved November 15, 2012

(14)  See also Doctrine & Covenants 88:13; Doctrine & Covenants 93:9.

(15)  The First Presidency (1942, October). The message of the First Presidency in Conference Report 759, 761.

(16)McKay, D. O. (1983). Gospel ideals: Selections from the discourses of David O. McKay. Deseret Book (p. 452).

(17) Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment. Erlbaum.

(18)  Doherty, W. J. (2000). Take back your kids. Sorin. 

(19)  Erickson, 2014, (p. 175).

(20) Erickson, J. J., & Carroll, J. S. (2024). It takes two: What we learn from the social sciences about            the importance of mothers and fathers and divine complementarity in parenting. Wheatley Institute; See also full-length article: Erickson, J. J. (2023). It takes two. BYU Studies Quarterly, 62: Iss. 1, Article 2. 

(21)  Okazaki, C. N. (1994, November). Rowing your boat. Ensign, 24, 92–94. See also Hawkins et al., 2000, p. 73.

(22) Ballard, M. R. (2019, July 23). Women have remarkable influence [Status update]. Facebook.

The post When Mothering Is a Sacrifice: Feminism and the Lost Art of Consecration appeared first on Public Square Magazine.

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This is the first of a three-part series on paragraph 7 in The Family: A Proclamation to the World. This one is on Fathers, the second is on Mothers, and the third is on Equal Partnership. Although we address each of these three in detail in separate essays, of course, fathering, mothering, and equal partnership are intricately interwoven in actual practice. 

Fatherhood in the Family Proclamation

For example, in preparing to discuss the divine call to fathers to “preside, provide, and protect,” we quote from the sixth paragraph, “Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to care for each other and for their children. … Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness.” These two sentences call for couples to work closely together as spouses and parents.

The seventh paragraph of the Family Proclamation covers several important issues and is the longest (it is about twice as long as the next longest paragraph). We have been asked to focus on certain issues in the second half of the paragraph. Before we address those in detail (in this essay and the other two), we wish to make a couple of brief comments on ideas in the first half of the paragraph. 

The Family Proclamation teems with words and phrases like “solemn responsibility” and “sacred duty” and “accountable (twice)” and “responsible” and “sacred responsibilities” and “obligated,” whereas the only time a word like “entitled” is used is in the statement, “Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.” In other words, the Family Proclamation is not about privileges or perks but about responsibly caring for others. The fact that adults are charged to provide children with a lasting two-parent marriage characterized by “complete fidelity” speaks to the importance of such relationships to the most vulnerable among us, our children, whom Jesus said to care for (see Matthew 25:40 on “the least of these”).

We wish we had space to more fully address the two sentences. “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” We point the reader to this document, which includes links to more than 200 articles and chapters for scholarly and general audiences that we have written that deal with many aspects of the Family Proclamation, including these nine important principles. It also includes lists of podcasts, videos, and other media on Proclamation-related matters created by the American Families of Faith Project.

A portion of the charge to fathers reads: “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.”

We will address three paternal callings—to Preside, to Provide, and to Protect. A fourth charge, equal partnership, will be addressed at length in the third of three pieces in this series.

The Call to Preside: Presiding with “Gentleness, Meekness, and Love Unfeigned”

We begin with the following point of emphasis from President Boyd K. Packer: “However much priesthood power [a man] … may possess … [n]o man achieves the supernal exalting status of worthy fatherhood except as a gift from his wife.”(1)  Four years earlier, President Howard W. Hunter taught that “one of the greatest things a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”(2) 

Elder L. Tom Perry taught, “Fathers, by divine decree, you are to preside over your family. … You preside at the meal table, at family prayer. You preside at family [study]; and as guided by the Spirit of the Lord, you see that your children are taught correct principles.”(3) 

But what does preside mean (and not mean) in a Proclamation context? 

President Boyd K. Packer taught, “In the Church, … [w]e serve where called by those who preside over us,” but in contrast, “In the home it is a partnership with husband and wife equally yoked together, sharing in decisions, always working together.”(4)

President Marion G. Romney taught that wives and husbands “should be one in harmony, respect, and mutual consideration. Neither should plan or follow an independent course of action. They should consult, pray, and decide together. In the management of their homes and families, husbands and wives should counsel with each other in kindness, love, patience, and understanding.”(5)

BYU professor emeritus Jeff Hill summarized,

The process of becoming a faithful father is, in essence, the process of becoming like God. It is an apprenticeship. As a man seeks God’s help to preside, provide, protect, and partner in righteousness, he receives divine direction. Just as an apprentice learns line upon line from his master, so faithful fathers can look to God for guidance, and they too will learn.(6)

Alan Hawkins, former Director of BYU’s School of Family Life, stated in a Proclamation-based chapter(7), “Family stewardships should be understood in terms of their responsibilities—obligations to one’s spouse, not power over one’s spouse.”  Hawkins also referenced “pointed instruction” from President Packer to a newly called stake president that “when there is a [family] decision to be made that affects everyone, you and your wife together will seek whatever counsel you might need, and together you will prayerfully come to a unified decision. If you ever pull priesthood rank on her, you will have failed.”(8) 

Two definitions of “preside” from the Oxford English Dictionary include: “To exercise authority or control over” or “To act as … president.” These are often the presumed meanings outside of the Church of Jesus Christ. However, as repeatedly emphasized by church leaders, these are expressly not the meaning of preside in the Family Proclamation. Elder Perry clarified, “There is not a president or a vice president in a family. The couple works together eternally for the good of the family. … They are on equal footing.”(9) Indeed, being the domineering “boss” or “the final word” is not Proclamation-based presiding, it is the antithesis.  

The Oxford Dictionary does offer a far more fitting definition of preside: “To officiate at a religious ceremony” or ordinance. As Hawkins and colleagues have explained,

Through Eve and her daughters, we enter mortal life, a necessary step in the plan of salvation, and are nurtured in light and truth. Through Adam and his sons, we may receive the saving ordinances of the priesthood that help us return to our heavenly home and gain eternal life. … Stewardship over priesthood allows a father to open some doors to spiritual progression for his family, just as stewardship over nurturing life allows a mother to open some doors to spiritual progression for her family.(10)

President Ezra Taft Benson, who served in the U.S. President’s Cabinet as Secretary of Agriculture, directed men not to follow the world’s approach to presiding but to look to a different exemplar: “Brethren, I say to you with all soberness, [Jesus] is the model we must follow as we take the spiritual lead in our families. Particularly, is this true in your relationship with your wife.”(11) 

President Russell M. Nelson has similarly taught, “[B]rethren, your foremost priesthood duty is to nurture your marriage—to care for, respect, honor, and love your wife. Be a blessing to her and your children.”(12)

Combining directives from Presidents Packer, Romney, Benson, and Nelson, along with additional insights from Hawkins and the Oxford dictionary, a Christ-like “presider” and “spiritual lead[er]” in the home will diligently strive to “be a blessing” to his wife and children. He will keep his covenants so that he will remain in the position to literally bless his wife and perform priesthood ordinances for his children that will lift them, encourage them, and help them return to our heavenly home. How a father uses his priesthood and honors the call to preside matters profoundly. As we are taught in holy places, presiding is the sacred accountability to lead and bless through gentleness, meekness, and love unfeigned. And now a note on leading.

Read More: A Voice of Warning: Prophets and Proclamations

Presiding as Shared Leadership

President Howard W. Hunter wrote, “Presiding in righteousness necessitates a shared responsibility between husband and wife; together you act with knowledge and participation in all family matters”(13) (emphasis added). 

Presiding may best be thought of as “shared leadership” in the home. The word preside includes “side,” and it may be helpful to think of presiding in love and righteousness as being present at the side of one’s equal partner in leading the family in gospel ways.

In a chapter on shared leadership (14), BYU family researchers Dollahite and Hill suggested that, 

Successful shared leadership in the home means living by these principles: 1. Become of “one heart” through unfeigned love and friendship, 2. Put the marriage and family first, 3. Counsel together to envision and plan, 4. Work together to accomplish a family vision, 5. Celebrate differences by valuing each other’s gifts, 6. Make all important decisions together in humility, and (8) Support each other in the varied tasks of life (p. 141).

They also said, 

Ideally, parents share leadership responsibilities and develop deep friendships with their children as well as with each other. In the premortal life, our children were equals with us, and in the eternal worlds they will have their own spouses. We are eternal equals, brothers, sisters, and friends with our children, parents, siblings, and so forth. Although we should not turn into “buddies” who fail to discipline our children, as parents, we should work toward an eternal friendship with them (p. 149).

Doctrine & Covenants (D&C) Section 121 teaches the following about priesthood leadership:

That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.

That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man (D&C 121:36-37; emphasis added).

The call to preside is a sacred responsibility, not a privilege, position, or perk. In sharp contrast with unrighteous dominion, Elder Neal A. Maxwell emphasized,

I, along with my brethren of the priesthood, express undying gratitude to our eternal partners. We know that we can go no place that matters without you, nor would we have it otherwise. When we kneel to pray, we kneel together. When we kneel at the altar of the holy temple, we kneel together. When we approach the final gate where Jesus Himself is the gatekeeper, we will, if faithful, pass through that gate together.(15)

Ultimately, our greatest exemplar in righteous leadership is the Lord Jesus Christ, who said, “I am the same that leadeth men to all good” (Ether 4:12). The Savior led by example in many contexts, but the overarching leadership principle the Savior exemplified was service and sacrifice for those whom He led. 

The Call to Provide and Protect 

Having explored the prophetic, Proclamation-based call to fathers to righteously preside, we turn to the sacred call to “provide and protect.” The Proclamation addresses providing the “necessities of life,” but what else is entailed in this charge? Hand-in-hand with the charge to preside through offering ordinances, righteous fathers are also to provide Gospel teaching, learning, and example—all of which work together to protect children from the destructive dangers that abound today. 

One remarkable father we have interviewed in the American Families of Faith project worked in a maximum-security prison that often seemed to him to be saturated with “pure evil.” Consistent with the Proclamation charge of fathers to protect, he emphasized,

There is enough bad influence out there in the world. There are plenty of people and media and whatever that can lead our children astray— can lead them to a place that we don’t want them to go. And there is enough of that out there that we don’t need to have it in here in our home, within the walls of our home. The walls of our home should be a sanctuary.(16)

So how did this father try to provide Gospel teaching and establish a “sanctuary”—or as he called it, “a rock”? 

Family prayer [and] the study of the scriptures … it always comes back to this is what we believe. … [I]t’s a rock we all can hold on to. It’s always gonna be there, it’s never changing, it’s there to comfort us. And the teachings that we [learn] through the scriptures … these are things that I as a parent … need to take into my own life, and in turn lead my family … by teaching those things, by living those things, [by] being an example. … [I] feel a very strong responsibility to live up [to] that.(17)

President Howard W. Hunter taught, “A man who holds the priesthood leads his family in Church participation so they will know the gospel and be under the protection of the covenants and ordinances.”(18) The walls of a home fortified by such protection are not impermeable, but they are protective. This may add meaning to why President Harold B. Lee emphasized that “the most important of the Lord’s work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes.”(19) Such protection is not simply home-bound, however. President Hunter further taught, “A righteous father protects his children with his time and presence in [all] their social, educational, and spiritual activities and responsibilities.”(20)

In our more than 25 years of interviewing strong families, a memorable and remarkable father “provided” by repeatedly taking one of his children with special needs to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota for specialized care. Instead of complaining about the significant costs of time and money involved in providing such care for his son, he instead framed his efforts this way:

Fatherhood is really, perhaps, the greatest thing that I could attain to. If I’m president of the United States, if I’m a C.E.O. of a major corporation, or if I receive recognition in any particular endeavor, no matter what it may be, that will end. The time would come and I would be voted out of office, or I would resign or retire, or I would lose my position or whatever it may be . . . and yet I will always be the father of my children. … I remember when I (first got married) experiencing the joy of marriage, married life, and thinking, “Ah, this is real life. This is what it was all about.” … But I remember after we had a child … looking back at everything before and saying, “No, no, no, marriage isn’t the end of the road here. Having a child,” I thought, “This is what life is really all about. This is the great experience in life.”(21)

The Proclamation calls men to preside, provide, and protect—but the prophets who “solemnly proclaimed” these things have also emphasized again and again that these things must be done in the Lord’s way. We draw inspiration from fathers like our living prophet, President Russell M. Nelson who are quietly doing their best. Such efforts and examples rekindle a desire in us to do likewise.

May we always remember President Ezra Taft Benson’s teaching that “Father[ing] … is an eternal calling from which you are never released. … A father’s calling is eternal, and its importance transcends time.”(22) 

Five Research Findings Regarding What Good Dads Add:

A May 2024 report(23) from Jenet Jacob Erickson and Jason S. Carroll of the Wheatley Institute summarizes:

1. “The father-child bond tends to be more stimulatory, playful, and open, compared to the mother’s security-oriented bond.” (p. 2)

2. “Fathers tend to focus on fostering independence, which is key to a child’s ability to take initiative and develop skills.” (p. 2)

3. “Evidence suggests that fathers help give their children a sense of authority and boundary because they confront their children and enforce discipline. This shapes children’s sense of stability, order, confidence, and later self-governance.” (p. 2)

4. “An involved father has been identified as the strongest predictor of college graduation.” (p. 3)

5. “Father involvement has also been proven to be a strong protection against delinquent and criminal behaviors in their children’s lives that continue into adulthood.” (p. 3)

References:

(1) Boyd K. Packer (1998, May). The Relief society. Ensign, 28, (p. 73).

(2) Hunter, H. W. (1994, November). Being a righteous husband and father, Ensign, 24, 49-51. (p. 50)

(3) Perry, L. T. (2004, May). Fatherhood, an eternal calling. Ensign, 34, 69-72. (pp. 72, 71)

(4) Packer, 1998 (p. 73).

(5) Marion G. Romney, “In the Image of God,” Ensign, March 1978, 2.

(6)Hill, E. J., & Dollahite, D. C. (2014). Faithful fathering. In B. L. Top & M. A. Goodman (eds.), By divine design (pp. 193-221). BYU Religious Studies Center/Deseret Book. (p. 218, emphasis added)

(7)Hawkins, A. J., Spangler, D. L., Hudson, V., Dollahite, D. C., Klein, S. R., Rugh, S. S., Fronk, C.A., Draper, R. D., Sorensen, A. D., Wardle, L. D., & Hill, E. J. (2000). In D. C. Dollahite (ed.), Strengthening our families: An in-depth look at The Proclamation on the Family. Bookcraft. This chapter was co-authored by authors from disciplines including law, psychology, history, religion, and family studies.

(8)Hawkins et al., 2000; see also Broderick, C. (1986). One flesh, one heart: Putting celestial love into your temple marriage. Deseret Book. (p. 32).

(9)Perry, 2004 (p. 71). 

(10) Hawkins et al., 2000 (pp. 64-65).

(11) Taft Benson, E. T. (1987, November). To the fathers in Israel. Ensign, 17 (11), (p. 50).

(12) Nelson, R. M. (2006, May). Nurturing marriage. Ensign, 36, 36-38 (p. 37).

(13) Hunter, “Being a Righteous Husband and Father,” (p. 51)

(14) Dollahite, D. C., & Hill, E. J. (2010). A house of God: Joseph and Hyrum as husbands and fathers. In M. E. Mendenhall, H. B. Gregersen, J. S. O’Driscoll, H. S. Swinton, & B. England (Eds.), Joseph and Hyrum: Leading as One (pp. 145-163). Provo, UT, BYU Religious Studies Center.

(15)Neal A. Maxwell, “Women of God,” see “The Women of God.”

(16) Marks, L. D., & Dollahite, D. C. (2022). Home-centered gospel learning and living: Seeking greater personal revelation. Deseret Book/BYU Religious Studies Center (p. 96).

(17) Marks & Dollahite, 2022 (pp. 95, 96).

(18) Hunter, 1994 (p. 51).

(19) Harold B. Lee (1974). Stand ye in holy places. Deseret Book. (p. 225)

(20) Hunter, 1994 (p. 51).

(21) Marks, L. D., & Dollahite, D. C. (2017). Religion and families. Routledge. (p. 198)

(22) Benson, 1987 (p. 48).

(23) Erickson, J. J., & Carroll, J. S. (2024). It takes two: What we learn from the social sciences about the importance of mothers and fathers and divine complementarity in parenting. Wheatley Institute; See also full-length article: Erickson, J. J. (2023). It Takes Two. BYU Studies Quarterly, 62(1), Article 2.

Related Articles 

• The Family in Scripture: A Four-Year Study, One Central Truth
• Announcing Our New Anthology: What God Hath Joined
• A Voice of Warning: Prophets and Proclamations
• Proclaiming the Family Proclamation: When Doctrine Is Clear but Messaging Isn’t

The post Preside, Provide, Protect, and Partner: Fathers and the Family Proclamation appeared first on Public Square Magazine.

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“The Family: A Proclamation to the World” (the Proclamation) begins with an affirmation of the divine nature of marriage: “We, the First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God … .”  In this essay, we want to help readers find a deeper understanding of this doctrinal principle by exploring the meaning of the word marriage as used in the Proclamation. Careful reading clarifies that marriage has a specific quality; it is not just a relational or legal status, an official ceremony, or a rich cultural practice. 

Unfortunately, across time and place, common practices associated with marriage have diverged significantly—sometimes tragically—from the divine design of marriage. Many elements of the divine meaning of marriage have been ignored in the past or are being damaged in the present, so we need to define the meaning of marriage as intended in the Proclamation.

The Meaning of Marriage

The Proclamation provides a strong internal narrative about the divine meaning of marriage. We see seven core elements of the meaning of God-ordained marriage as set forth in the Proclamation. 

Woman and Man

The Proclamation twice directly (and several times indirectly) states that marriage is the union of a woman and a man: “[M]arriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God”; “Marriage between man and woman is essential to [God’s] eternal plan.” President Dallin H. Oaks writes: “God’s purposes for establishing marriage have not changed. One purpose of [the Proclamation] is to reaffirm the Church’s declaration that marriage is the lawful union of a man and a woman. … No mortal law … can override or nullify the moral standards established by God.” 

President Oaks gives several reasons for the man-woman meaning of marriage in “The Divine Institution of Marriage,” including the close link between the God-given power of procreation and marriage’s vital role in rearing and teaching children. He also argues that legalized same-sex marriage decouples gender from the meaning of marriage and strains the complementary natures of fathering and mothering. President Oaks concludes: “Same-sex marriage cannot be regarded simply as the granting of a ‘new right.’ It is a far-reaching redefinition of the very nature of marriage itself. It marks a fundamental change in the institution of marriage in ways that are contrary to God’s purposes for His children.”

While affirming the Church’s teachings about the divine nature of marriage, President Oaks also “reaffirms that church members should address the issue of same-sex marriage with respect and civility and should treat all people with love and humanity.” The Church has openly supported state legislation to solidify certain LGBT+ rights and has supported federal legislation that tries to balance the legal right for same-sex couples to marry with legal protections for individuals and organizations that follow deeply held religious teachings on the divine man-woman meaning of marriage. The law strives to protect those who believe in the Proclamation’s divine approval of marriage between a woman and a man.

Legal, Sexual Union

God ordained marriage to be the proper public guardian and host of sexual union. The Proclamation declares, “God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife,” and “children are entitled to birth within the [legal] bonds of marriage …” (emphases added).

Perhaps this is the most widely disregarded and challenged aspect of the meaning of marriage in contemporary society. Most people now choose to live together in a sexual union without legal recognition before they marry. For some, premarital cohabitation is a form of dating, while for others it is a significant stage in romantic relationship development that may lead to a decision to marry. Many believe that cohabitation provides the basis for a wise decision about marriage. But cohabiting unions across the world are much less stable than marriages, and in the United States, most do not evolve into marriage. Moreover, those who live together first but go on to marry actually experience, on average, lower marital quality and higher risk of divorce than those who do not cohabit before marriage (or who are formally engaged before moving in together). 

Nevertheless, people cling to the secular logic of cohabitation despite the empirical evidence challenging it. To refrain from sex before marriage is no simple ask anymore. We live in a sex-saturated society that views chastity as backward and unnatural, even unwise and possibly harmful. Those who strive to live the Lord’s law of chastity swim against a strong cultural current and get little support from society. 

Sex within the bonds of marriage is, however, divinely ordained as a beautiful and powerful way to express love, bond spouses, and bring God’s children into the world. The Proclamation states: “We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed.” God’s latter-day endorsement of marriage, then, is also an affirmation of the good of sexual union within the bonds of legal marriage. 

Fertility and Childrearing

God commanded Eve and Adam—and their descendants—to “be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Moses 2:28). The Lord revealed to Joseph Smith that marriage is ordained of God in part so that “the earth might answer the end of its creation; And that it might be filled with the measure of man” (Doctrine and Covenants 49:16–17). The Proclamation affirms that this commandment applies today: “The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.” Modern methods give couples some choice about when and how many children to have. (And the Church does not inquire into these personal choices.) But the Lord’s commandment to bring God’s children into mortality “remains in force.”

The Proclamation also reminds us of the divine pattern for rearing these precious spirit children of God: “Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.” A vast research literature documents the benefits to children of being born and reared in a stable two-parent family, so much so that scholarly fudging on this finding now comes off more and more like science denial than compassion for alternative family forms. When possible, married couples are to bring children into their homes and bring them up in stability with a loving father and mother. 

Complete Fidelity

The Proclamation affirms that marriage is a sexually exclusive union: “The sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” And the unrepentant sin of infidelity will follow us to the judgment bar of God: “We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity … will one day stand accountable before God.” 

Even in our age of sexual so-called liberation, the norm of marital fidelity is still relatively strong, although younger people seem to be more accepting of infidelity than older people. A third of all adults say that “open marriages,” where spouses mutually agree that it’s okay to date and have sex with someone else, are acceptable. But half (51%) of young adults (18–29, mostly unmarried) today say that open marriages are acceptable. The best estimates of marital infidelity are that about 20% of men and 13% of women have been sexually unfaithful while married. 

Infidelity is strongly associated with a high risk of marital breakdown. One study finds that infidelity is the second most common factor reported by divorced individuals as contributing to their divorce (lack of commitment is first). Violated trust is very difficult to restore. In Restoration scripture, the Lord affirms that the commandment against infidelity, which has been given since the beginning, remains in force today: “Thou shalt not commit adultery; and he that committeth adultery, and repenteth not, shall be cast out” (Doctrine and Covenants 42:24). But the Lord also enhances this fundamental commandment: “Thou shalt love thy wife [or husband] with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her [or him] and none else” (Doctrine and Covenants 42:22). Full-hearted cleaving includes “forsaking all others.”

Equal Partnership and Oneness

The Proclamation clarifies that marriage is a partnership of equals: “In these sacred responsibilities [as parents], fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” President Hinckley, under whose leadership the Proclamation was written, taught young men: “The wife you choose will be your equal. … In the marriage companionship, there is neither inferiority nor superiority. The woman does not walk ahead of the man; neither does the man walk ahead of the woman. They walk side by side as a son and daughter of God on an eternal journey.” 

Younger readers may not fully comprehend how impactful the term “equal partners” was when the Proclamation was first read to the Church in 1995. It came during a time of prolonged controversy in the Church about the family roles of men and women. Many church members still accepted the traditional notion that women were subordinate in marriage and subject to their husband’s decision-making authority. Many faithful Saints struggled with the discordance of this idea with other gospel doctrines and ideals, and some left the Church because they thought it had not stated clearly enough the fundamental equality of women and men before God. One of President Hinckley’s strongest, most consistent messages to the Church was that men and women were equal partners in marriage. 

The Proclamation does not explicitly refer to Jesus’ teaching about oneness in marriage: “… from the beginning of the creation, God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh; so then they are no more twain, but one flesh” (Mark 10:6–9). Oneness is implied, however, in “equal partnership” and is crucial to a full understanding of the meaning of marriage.

Permanent Bond

The Proclamation does not say directly that marriage is meant to be eternal. However, Jesus Christ declared, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:9). Moreover, the Proclamation implies the permanence of marriage when it affirms the eternal potential of the marital union: “Sacred ordinances available in holy temples make it possible for … families to be united eternally.” 

Modern prophets have acknowledged that divorce can be acceptable, even though “from the beginning of the creation,” marriage was divinely designed to be an unbreakable bond (Mark 10:5–6). President James E. Faust affirmed the permanent quality of marriage while also recognizing that there are justifiable reasons for divorce. He taught: “What, then, might be ‘just cause’ for breaking the covenants of marriage? … I confess I do not claim the wisdom nor authority to definitively state what is ‘just cause.’ … In my opinion, ‘just cause’ should be nothing less serious than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person’s dignity as a human being.”  In such cases, divorce may be necessary.

Of course, we are commanded not to judge—and in the case of divorce, we are seldom in a position to understand, let alone effectively evaluate, another person’s difficult decision (or a decision that was imposed on them). We are grateful for a religion that accepts the reality that some marriages may necessarily end, but that extols the permanent commitment of marriage as an attainable ideal. 

Loving and Caring

Finally and crucially, the Proclamation clarifies the quality of marriage. Central to the meaning of marriage is the vow that “Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other … .” The Proclamation also teaches that “successful marriages … are established and maintained on principles of … respect, love, [and] compassion.” Moreover, “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded on the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.” President Russell M. Nelson teaches that marriage deserves our best efforts. For instance, he counseled priesthood holders: “Brethren, your first and foremost duty as a bearer of the priesthood is to love and care for your wife. … Make it easy for her to want to be yours. No other interest in life should take priority over building an eternal relationship with her.” 

Abuse of any kind in marriage is the antithesis of love and care and is strictly condemned. Over the past several decades, society has become more aware of and sensitive to the awful reality of domestic violence and physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. The Proclamation reinforces this: “We warn that individuals … who abuse spouse or offspring … will one day stand accountable before God.” Church leaders have taught this consistently during our lifetimes. For instance, President Hinckley boldly taught priesthood holders in 2002: “How tragic and utterly disgusting a phenomenon is wife abuse. Any man in this Church who abuses his wife, who demeans her, who insults her, who exercises unrighteous dominion over her is unworthy to hold the priesthood. … Any man who engages in this practice is unworthy to hold a temple recommend.” In this same bold sermon, President Hinckley preached: “I am confident that when we stand before the bar of God, there will be … searching questions concerning our domestic relations. And I am convinced that only those who have walked through life with love and respect and appreciation for their companions and children will receive from our eternal judge the words, ‘Well done, thou good and faithful servant: … enter thou into the joy of thy lord’ (Matt. 25:21).” 

The Proclamation states, “Marriage between man and woman is essential to [God’s] eternal plan.” This relationship, with its necessary virtues and sacrifices, is part of a divine plan of eternal growth and progression. Marriage is ordained of God because it prepares us for the eternal life that our Heavenly Parents live. The loving and caring, committing and enduring, sexual fidelity and bonding, nurturing of children, and striving toward oneness yield sweet fruit over the years, such that President Russell M. Nelson says: “Marriage brings greater possibilities for happiness than does any other human relationship.” We shouldn’t be surprised that secular researchers, too, are finding that the earthly benefits of marriage—to adults, children, and communities—are significant. A healthy marriage is the strongest predictor of human happiness that we know. While there is nothing novel in the Proclamation’s teachings about the divine meaning of marriage, to us,  they are timely in a society that struggles to accept our Heavenly Parents’ wisdom and will about the great plan of happiness for Their children.

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