I have previously established the basic tenets of a Christian Virtue approach to compulsive pornography use (CPU). The approach asserts that CPU is a complex, vicious habit stemming from a (mis)understanding of what human nature is, a misguided vision of what kind of life one should live, and vices (i.e., morally diminishing habits) that make way for a life in which CPU (or other addictions) simply belong and are reinforced therein. To expound on that conception of CPU, I further explored how some particulars of the contemporary understanding of human nature (e.g., isolated, autonomous, psychologized individuals), with its accompanying vision(s) of what a fulfilling life looks like (e.g., a technology-assisted, stress-free life of self-focus and entertainment), and daily vices (e.g., unfettered curiosity and isolation) specifically, and often convincingly, invite people into to the kind of life in which CPU belongs because of how taken-for-granted such ideas and habits are in the everydayness of contemporary living. A well-ordered, virtuous heart and life is the goal of healing, not merely abstinence.
Overarching Principles
In light of the guiding presumptions about divine human nature in the Christian Virtue approach, the guiding principles for healing from CPU are meant to lead persons to align their life away from misunderstandings of their true nature, false visions of life’s purpose, and the overcoming of vices so as to point them towards and fill their lives with truth and virtue. These simple principles, though presented in a particular order, are not necessarily linear steps. Rather, they represent overall priorities and practices to guide healing.
Principle #1: Reorient One’s Understanding of Agency and Life’s Purpose
Persons work to re-understand (1) who they really are as moral agents, learning to accept responsibility for the many choices and priorities they make that contribute to their compulsions, and (2) accepting that because of their agency and its perfected flourishing made possible in Christ, there is a possibility of thorough and genuine change (i.e., repentance). In other words, persons work to accept that repentance is possible and that they can truly have a change of heart because of Christ ennobling their agentic natures rather than focusing on believing CPU is a permanent disease out of their control. They further work on refocusing their life vision away from self-fulfillment and towards truth and virtue, and they strive to do what is best for others (i.e., being other-focused/motivated by charity and love) rather than focusing primarily on themselves. This includes seeking to understand how CPU fits into their lives and what habits reinforce it so they can know what specifically they need to change.
Principle #2: Develop Virtue(s)
As persons work to “catch the vision” of who they truly are and what a true and virtuous life is all about, they focus on developing specific habits to reinforce that vision. That is, they endeavor to purposively replace the particular compulsive vices, which are often taken for granted in the everydayness of their specific life context, with virtuous habits and priorities to reinforce the true and virtuous vision of life’s purpose. It must be remembered that the practice of virtue is not like a pill that is taken only a few times or a coping skill to use when faced with temptation. Virtue implies a reorienting of one’s very character and, as such, must be practiced throughout one’s life and daily routine, both in the face of temptation and away from it.
Principle #3: Reorder One’s Life Overall Towards the Good & Virtuous
There is an overhaul, in a sense, of a person’s daily living that takes place in which they work to be well-ordered towards goodness. Although much of healing is focused on the first two principles and, in some sense, is summarized in this third principle, people remember that healing is a holistic endeavor involving their heart, character, lifestyle, relationships, goals, priorities, obligations, and more. A good scripture that reflects this principle is where the Lord has asked us to “organize [our]selves; prepare every needful thing, and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God.” Many of the life skills taught by therapists and self-reliance principles taught by the Church dovetail nicely with this principle.
As my colleagues and I have summarized in a forthcoming article, “to heal from CPU, a person must reconstruct their life by reconstructing their vision of the good life and replacing the vicious habits contributing to their compulsive use with virtuous ones that provide new life, new purpose, and deeper meaning.” As will hopefully make more sense by the end of this article, a well-ordered, virtuous heart and life is the goal of healing, not merely abstinence.
Individual Healing
So, how do these principles specifically play out in the efforts of an individual’s healing? Let us use the hypothetical case scenario of Jack to illustrate and expand on the principles of healing. Like many, Jack has struggled with CPU since around the time of puberty, getting clear of it long enough to serve a mission but then struggling with it again post-mission as he got back into school. He married a wonderful woman, Crystal, about a year after being home. To his credit, he has been honest and vulnerable with Crystal from the beginning about his compulsive use, which has helped immensely with their marriage and her being able to maintain trust and support.
Besides the virtues of honesty and vulnerability, which he has tried to practice from the beginning (many begin developing honesty only after getting caught or later on in the healing process), Jack first begins to practice the virtue of self-awareness. He starts a journal to keep track of his daily habits, routines, emotional patterns, priorities, cares, and concerns, and especially to describe in as much detail as possible his context and intentions during the times temptation is strong or when he gives into it and views pornography. He tries to figure out the specific role CPU plays in his life. Doing so helps him realize the many choices he makes that invite compulsive viewing, realizing his agency in the matter. In particular, he notes that he spends large amounts of time alone on electronic devices, particularly when he is bored or has any free time to kill. He frequently takes his phone to the bathroom as well, which helps him realize the small rituals he goes through to ensure he is alone to view porn, and he seeks to abandon those rituals.
He has noted that he avoids responsibilities and obligations to his wife, work, church, family, and school until the last minute, choosing instead to watch YouTube videos or dwell on social media for large portions of time (i.e., avoidance is a vice). Many of these habits lull him into a place of apathy (a vice) and leave him vulnerable to higher bouts of temptation. Thus, for him, giving into temptation is most often correlated with avoiding responsibility, boredom, as a way to deal with stress, or as a way to cope with tension and pain in his marriage. Over time, he begins to accept responsibility for all of these patterns and, in particular, that he is responsible for his emotional states and responses, especially those related to his marriage. He also begins to confront the many justifications he engages in little by little until he finally gives in to temptation (e.g., “I’m just too tired to fight it,” “People don’t understand how hard this is,” or “I’m just checking sports scores, not going to look at cheerleader pics”).
The overarching virtue he begins to practice is intentionality. He has realized that much of his life has been characterized by the vice of whimsy in that he tends to let his fluctuations in mood and whims of the moment guide his decisions and priorities (see MacIntyre on emotivism). Instead, he practices being purposeful in all of his decisions. This is not to say that he becomes a workaholic or a busybody (two false visions). Rather, it means that he learns how to always have a clear purpose for what he does such that if anyone were to ask what he is doing and why, he has a clear answer. For example, even when choosing to relax and watch a movie, it is an intentional choice rather than it being the result of an “I might as well” mentality. There is a big difference between “I’m tired, I might as well find something to watch” and “I’m tired, I’m going to watch two episodes of my favorite show to rejuvenate my energy.” He eschews mindless scrolling, gaming, and browsing because that is not an intentional use of time or technology. Furthermore, being intentional is taken as the virtue to guide the practice of all other virtues. Being intentional is taken as the virtue to guide the practice of all other virtues.
In addition, he begins to practice several other virtues, including the virtue of integrity (e.g., keeping his promises and obligations), friendship (e.g., he establishes more “genuine human connection” by socializing more and even building relationships with others who struggle with CPU), fortitude (e.g., being able to suffer pain, disappointment, heartache, and even boredom without it keeping him from doing what is right), and many more. He works on curbing his unfettered curiosity (a vice). Additionally, he begins to work on keeping a schedule, being active regularly, sleeping better, staying hydrated, and all around creating a life of order and harmony in line with truth and virtue. He strives harder to let “God prevail” in his life by becoming more actively engaged in his ministering, callings, daily prayer, scripture study, and temple attendance.
All of these things are not practiced as isolated virtues or mere coping skills used at the moment of temptation (though he learns a few helpful techniques, such as mindfulness, to help when temptation is overwhelming). He has tried that, and it is not enough to change his heart. Rather, he practices them in all aspects of his life. For example, he seeks to be honest and vulnerable not only when temptation happens but when he is struggling in other areas of life as well. This leads him to be more compassionate with others no matter where he is, especially with his wife.
Taking all of this as his guide, he creates boundaries for himself that help remind him where a virtuous life is to be found and help him shape his life and habits better. He sets time limits on his technology use. He does not allow himself to be alone with electronics in his room. He is not allowed to mindlessly scroll. These boundaries change and update based on how well he is doing, and at the beginning, some of the strictest rules snap into place during moments when he is experiencing the most temptation.
Spousal Support
Although it has, at times, been very difficult and painful, Crystal has been a strong support for Jack throughout this whole process. She supports him in at least three ways. First, she realizes that she is in a covenant relationship with Jack, and as such, she does not push him to the side and ignore his struggles even though they are painful for her. She recognizes the pain that his sin is creating for both of them but also recognizes that Christ is part of the covenant and the true source of healing. So, she works to forgive and lean on Christ more in her life so she can invite Jack to do so as well.
Second, she remembers the idea that Jack has two natures. As she ponders on his (and her) first nature—that they are relationally enmeshed moral agents, children of God with the power to change—she realizes that she can help him be responsible for his actions and that they are both of infinite worth. Healing and repentance are possible for both of them because of their first nature and its ties with being Godly offspring. As she ponders on his (and her) second nature—the many habits and priorities that constitute who they currently are and how they live—she does not overlook what Jack needs to change to fully repent. Rather, she focuses her efforts specifically on helping him recognize those patterns, clearly but kindly sets expectations, and offers suggestions for change. All efforts to help are done in a charity-filled way (she prays constantly for such charity and kindness) to help him change. She works to never let herself confuse the two natures. She knows Jack is first a child of God for whom Christ has suffered, and second, he is a man with specific, albeit very painful, sins.
Third, she joins Jack in trying to reorder their lives together towards truth and virtue. She recognizes that she, too, is caught up in many of the vices that invite addictions into her own life (e.g., she spends many hours on social media and window shopping online instead of spending time with Jack or on other projects) and recognizes that it is easier to practice virtue with someone rather than alone. So, she helps Jack be accountable to the boundaries and virtue-oriented goals he has set for himself, as well as setting boundaries and goals for herself. As appropriate and in counsel with Jack, they find others on whom they can rely for support, especially during some of the painful times when Jack gives into temptation while he works towards making virtue more permanent in his life. Ponder on these principles, work at self-awareness, and seek revelation.
Healing in Christ
What I have provided here is a specific case example by which to illustrate the principles and virtues understood in the Christian Virtue approach to be essential to healing. As such, it is not meant to be a perfect representation of the specifics of every person’s struggle with CPU. The key for readers is to ponder on these principles, work at self-awareness, and seek revelation on how best to apply them in the specifics of their lives. CPU plays a specific role in each person’s life, and each person has specific habits and patterns that reinforce its role and place. In my experience, however, they are often very similar to those false visions and vices presented here. Many of the principles here are also in line with many of the techniques and therapeutic approaches already in place, such as seeking out mentorship, the Addiction Recovery Program, journaling, and learning impulse and emotional control. That being said, readers are invited to take their thoughts and the wisdom found here and elsewhere, to the Lord and ponder on how best to move forward in faith towards healing.
I hope that in these articles, I have made it sufficiently clear that the example of the Savior is what defines a virtuous life and that any approach to healing, especially this one, must have Him at the core. One of the things that has bothered me the most through the years is how many church-related firesides, academic presentations, or lessons on CPU hardly discussed Jesus Christ because they were so focused on fascinating brain studies or hyper-psychological theories about addiction to the point that Christ was a mere afterthought, if mentioned at all. That being said, I would like to finish with this quote from the forthcoming manuscript my colleagues and I have written, which re-emphasizes and clarifies the role of Jesus Christ in the application of the principles of healing mentioned here.
To heal, we must seek after Christ and desire truth and virtue, and “as we show forth a willingness to develop new habits, Christ changes us, our hearts, our desires, and new habits unfold in that process.”
