For many religious individuals, faith plays a central role in their lives. In many faith traditions, members are required or encouraged to freely contribute their time, effort, and money, a concept known as religious giving.
But how do individuals actually feel about religious giving? How does religious giving affect their marriages and families? An in-depth qualitative study from the American Families of Faith Project addressed that question by interviewing 184 highly religious families about their beliefs. We will review four insights that emerged.
Reframing Sacrifice as Giving
Financial contributions to religion are not a sacrifice, but a gift. This is what many participants in the study said about their giving.
Participants tended to reframe sacrifice as giving or charity.
For example, a Christian father named Steven said, “I sacrifice nothing because I don’t look at it as a sacrifice. I look at it as: God has given me a gift to do what He would want me to do.” Another individual stated, “You have to take leaps of faith financially. If we take care of our offerings first, the Lord will provide a way for us.” A mother named Sylvia added, “Some people think, ‘You’re sacrificing a bunch by doing that.’ And they would look at it as a sacrifice, where I would say it’s a priority. It’s part of my faith walk.”
Participants tended to reframe sacrifice as giving or charity. They saw their giving as deeply and inherently relational, strengthening their connection with God and with their sisters and brothers in the human family.
Building Faith Community Bonds
Giving also increased many participants’ sense of meaning. They felt better about life for having given.
But the benefits didn’t stop there. The act of giving also tended to form a stronger bond between givers and their faith communities, leading them to feel more fully supported by their faith communities. A Christian woman named Joyce, said, “When I was going through a really—I mean a really, really—bad financial time, I never ever had to want for anything, because someone from my church family was always there helping out, giving me something.” A father from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints added another story of profound help. He explained,
There was a time in the 1970s when we had three kids in cloth diapers that had to be washed daily and our washing machine gave out … and I didn’t even have money to have the thing fixed, and I certainly didn’t have money for a new one… My wife came home from running the errands… and there was a washing machine sitting on the porch with a hundred dollar bill in an envelope taped to the lid, and boxes of laundry detergent from church…. Somebody obviously understood the principle of charity where you don’t let the right hand know what the left hand is doing…. God bless them!
Adjusting for inflation, that $100 in the mid-1970s would be the equivalent of more than $600 today. The experience left this couple with a burning desire to give in similar ways to others, and they have done so across the decades since as they try to “pay it forward.”
Many participants shared similar feelings and stories about the financial support they received from their faith communities. Sarah, a Jewish mother of two, is a great example of being a support to others. She shared, “It’s a real comfort to feel like you’ve provided a meal for someone or given money for a good cause. You walk away from that feeling that all is right with your little part of the world, that you did your piece. It may be stressful, but the majority of the time you walk away feeling comforted.”
Effects on the Marital Relationship
Many participants reported that their marriages also benefited from their financial giving, but others emphasized that religious (and other) giving can strain the marital relationship if it is not a shared financial goal. A Latter-day Saint father named Todd said, “Sometimes money can be divisive but through our religious faith we know that the money’s not ours and we know that it’s a tool.” When couples share this vision, they do well. This concept was explained thoroughly by Doug, a Christian husband and marriage counselor, who reported,
I think the number one reason we have a strong marriage is God. The number two reason is the ability to agree financially on issues, because finances are the number one killer of relationships. Many married people disagree about money…. The fact is, we have the same financial goals and priorities. Money is the number one fight—money—and if you can navigate that particular obstacle, you will do well in marriage.
For couples like Doug and his wife, shared commitments to giving and serving can become a strength for the marriage. However, the ideal of selflessness is difficult to attain, and many participant couples admitted to arguing about money.
Religious Giving and Children
The act of giving also tended to form a stronger bond between givers and their faith communities.
Some parents in the 184-family study reported that they felt obligated to share their faith with their children, including their financial practices. A Jewish mother named Dinah stated, “We want our kids to see and to know how we give to the Jewish community in terms of our time and money. We want for them to be in the habit of giving of their own money.” Janet, a Latter-day Saint mother, shared, “We pay a 10% tithing … 10% of our gross income and I know that’s always a sacrifice. And when you send a child on a mission, it’s a huge additional sacrifice. Everybody always sees these LDS missionaries out there, but it’s a $10,000+ sacrifice.” For many parents of faith, teaching children about using their money for religious purposes and providing for children was challenging but rewarding.
Takeaways
As believers, these findings can help us navigate the blessings and challenges of religious giving in our own financial situations. Key insights include:
Reframe sacrifice as giving. Highly religious individuals viewed their financial contributions not as sacrifices but as gifts and priorities rooted in faith, which reinforced their sense of purpose and moral identity. As believers, we can also strive to elevate our perspective and reframe faith-based financial sacrifices as opportunities to put God and others first.
Avoid letting money become divisive. We can be aware of how money can potentially divide relationships and cause stress, and ultimately remember that money may not be what matters most. When we focus on our connection with the divine and serving others, financial giving can be a source of relational strengthening for all involved, instead of a source of division. This awareness can remind us of what truly lasts.
Grow in service and faith. We can consider how we might invite more faith, unity, and purpose into our financial decisions. Whether we are giving time, money, or support, we can try to view these acts not as burdens but rather as sacred opportunities to grow closer to God, strengthen our relationships, and to serve others with love.
