Before You Choose a Therapist

Over the past decade or two, it has become more socially acceptable to see a psychotherapist when dealing with relational and mental health challenges. As a therapist for more than 15 years, I have observed the benefits of this development: people struggling with deeply personal challenges have been able to heal from emotional wounds, strengthen their relationships, and learn skills for managing difficult situations. Many clients who have chosen to incorporate their spiritual values into therapy have strengthened their connection to God and their reliance on the Savior.

At the same time, many observers have noted that the mental health field, rather than relying primarily on replicable research, has become increasingly focused on politics and ideology, particularly ideologies grounded in critical theory and social justice activism. This is especially evident in many graduate counselor training programs, where students are frequently taught that power is the central lens through which society should be understood, and that the world is divided between two main groups: oppressors and the oppressed. Rather than helping clients recognize how to manage their own symptoms, students may be taught that mental distress is often the result of oppressive systems that must be overturned before clients can become truly healthy, leaving clients feeling victimized and helpless.

Further, students today are immersed in a culture that suggests that the key to mental wellness lies in following one’s feelings, particularly those related to sex and gender, in order to be one’s “authentic self.” This worldview is reflected in many areas of mental health training and professional guidance. 

If you are considering therapy for yourself or your child, it may seem daunting to find an appropriate provider in such an environment. What can you do to identify a reputable therapist who can help you pursue your mental health goals while supporting your values rather than imposing a personal, politicized agenda?

Here is a guide you might use as you carefully screen potential therapists for yourself or your child.

Understanding Clinical Scope and Ethics

First, it’s important to understand exactly what a particular therapist is qualified to treat and how they go about treatment. A therapist’s license does not necessarily mean that the therapist has the skills to address your particular concerns or that the therapist will be a good fit for your values. 

Recognize that effective therapy should involve what the word implies: working to gain skills and to make meaningful changes in thoughts, behaviors, and perspectives that are consistent with client values. It is not just about being heard and validated or talking about feelings. Good therapy entails identifying mutually agreed-upon goals and having a therapist who uses an appropriate theoretical framework and therapeutic approach to support the client’s progress toward those goals.

Further, the therapeutic relationship is a key part of therapy. Clients should feel respected by their therapist, but they should not expect the therapist to agree with them on everything, nor should they feel obligated to agree with the therapist. A good therapist may sometimes challenge a client’s assumptions, behaviors, or perspectives when doing so serves the client’s goals, but should not pressure the client to adopt the therapist’s personal values or worldview.

Prospective clients should also note the difference between life coaching and therapy. Therapists are regulated, must meet certain training requirements and ethical standards, and can diagnose and treat mental health disorders. Life coaches are unregulated—basically, anyone can decide to be one—and are not authorized to provide mental health therapy.

It is helpful to find a particular therapist’s website and social media profile when available. The Psychology Today website is a useful resource because it gives information such as years in practice, insurance accepted, and modalities used. A therapist’s online presence can also give you an idea of the therapist’s personality and approach. Note that when therapists frequently quote themselves and post numerous personal photos on social media, those patterns can give insight into what they likely emphasize.

Also, if a therapist discloses personal information on social media, be aware that some professional codes of ethics caution therapists about personal disclosure. If the therapist uses personal experiences to influence potential clients’ decisions and beliefs, that behavior can be a red flag. One example of this is when therapists distance themselves from their religion, share their criticisms of that religion on social media, and promote their practice of working with clients who are struggling with faith challenges—particularly when their clients may not have decided whether to stay or leave. Another example is when therapists share their experiences about divorce online and then seem to hold marriage lightly as they counsel clients, which may not fit with clients who hope to work through their marital challenges rather than resort to divorce. 

Vetting, Qualifications, and Affiliations

If possible, have a brief conversation with the therapist beforehand. Let the therapist know the goals you would like to work toward, and ask whether and how the therapist can support you in pursuing them. Ask the therapist how he or she works with clients who have political, ideological, or religious beliefs that are different from the therapist’s. 

Note the organizations the therapist is affiliated with. A list of professional affiliations may look impressive, but many organizations have become agenda-driven and focus more on activism than science. Look up these organizations online and see whether they reflect your beliefs and values. You might also inquire about a therapist’s perspective on any specific organizational positions that concern you.

Keep in mind that when a therapist identifies an issue as a treatment area, this does not necessarily indicate expertise in that area. Be wary of excessively long lists of treatment areas, especially when therapists are young or new to the field. Ask the therapist what training, certification, or treatment experience the therapist has had regarding the issue that is of concern to you, and what modalities the therapist uses. Take note of the answers and look up the information online to verify that the therapist’s approach aligns with best practices.

Decoding Jargon and Ideological Posture

When you see jargon on a therapist’s profile, it’s important to know what those terms might actually be indicating. 

The mental health field often uses terms that don’t mean what a layperson might assume. For example, you might read “sex positivity” and assume it means a positive approach to sexuality in marriage, whereas the mental health field more often uses the term to indicate an openness to and acceptance of almost any sexual practice so long as mutual consent is involved. Further, the term “affirming” might be understood to mean that the therapist is supportive of the individual, but it more often means that the therapist will accept and validate a person’s self-described identity or behaviors without necessarily exploring the experiences and circumstances that may be relevant to understanding them. 

If a therapist uses terms such as “religious trauma,” “religious deconstruction,” or “faith transition,” know that many such therapists are not neutral when it comes to religion, particularly so-called “high-demand” religions. Some therapists do valuable work in these areas, but the mental health field in general tilts in a skeptical direction away from traditional Christian values. From what I have observed, specializing in “faith transitions” often means helping clients leave their faith. If religious issues are among your concerns, ask questions to learn more about a particular therapist’s perspective and approach, and pay attention to your own spiritual promptings about their answers.

Protecting Faith and Family Dynamics

It’s also important to identify therapists who will not try to undermine your desire to work on relationships or build your faith.

Just because a therapist is a Latter-day Saint doesn’t mean the therapist shares the Church’s values. I have encountered Latter-day Saint therapists who believe pornography is benign and perhaps even beneficial in some contexts and that religious teachings against pornography are a greater problem. Other Latter-day Saint therapists openly disagree with Church doctrines on gender and sexuality. Some therapists view any negative feelings about sexual behaviors as pathological “shame” rather than differentiating between unhealthy shame and healthy guilt. In the past, I have trusted particular therapists and referred people to them, only to have these therapists later change course and share their own doubts and religious disagreements with vulnerable clients. Be careful about who you share deeply personal spiritual beliefs and experiences with.

Be aware that not all therapists necessarily recognize the importance of family relationships. Today, going “no contact” with family members who do not actively endorse one’s decisions or who hold views considered disagreeable has become a trend. Some family members may be genuinely abusive or otherwise harmful, and distancing oneself may be appropriate or necessary in such cases. But relationships are complex. It is too easy in the bubble of the therapy room to conclude that ending relationships is an appropriate solution to a complex set of problems. Find a therapist who wants to support you in strengthening family relationships where possible.

If you are seeking therapy for your minor child, ask how you will be involved in therapy. As a parent, you should be a partner in the therapeutic process and should be able to have some communication with the therapist. It may also be beneficial for you to ask to participate in some sessions with your child.

Making the Decision

After making a decision to try a particular therapist, it’s generally a good idea to have several sessions before concluding that a therapist is not the right fit. But if you have clear indications that your values are not going to be respected, it is entirely appropriate to seek a different therapist at any time.

Good therapists are careful and ethical in their practice and are committed to helping clients achieve meaningful mental health outcomes. They recognize that clients may hold values, beliefs, and life experiences that differ from their own, and they strive to understand and respect those differences while helping clients work toward their goals. As with many other important decisions in life, finding the right therapist requires thoughtful consideration. When seeking help for deeply personal challenges, taking the time to find the right therapist is worth the effort.